This is certainly not an original experience. It may not be a common experience, but I’m confident this is a shared experience for some readers out there, who decided their life would be better if they went to Majorca for 6 weeks with hot men.

I had been dumped for the second time in 9 months, my A levels were right around the corner, and I’m not sure where my life was heading after college. I’ve turned 18, I’m pretty much allowed to apply or do anything. So with a questionable use of free will and panic-induced decision making, I sat down in the college common room, and I opened up my application for Love Island.

I’m now 21, and can retrospectively understand that applying to Love Island was not the best backup plan I’ve ever thought of, but at the time, I felt like I had to take the chance.

Spoilers: I was not successful in my application and, as you can imagine, this application was not very good. For starters I was 18, and barely felt confident in my own personality, let alone being confident enough to convince the ITV producers. I knew in my heart that I would never be allowed on the show, but something within me was telling me this was the best decision ever, and I got two therapists to tell me why something so nonsensical made perfect sense to me.

While there are many ethical debates about applying at 18, Gemma Owen, who is only a few months older than me, was successful on the same series I applied for. I blame her for my unsuccessful attempt, as she was also a teenage, brunette, Cheshire girlie, so we would have been too similar for viewers, obviously. 

Debbie Keenan, a behavioural therapist that works with teenagers, said although it may feel nonsensical, psychologically, there were very real reasons for my application:

“​​Even though you say it seems random and impulsive, there’s something there about you looking for a fresh start, building your confidence, it’s a bit like a fantasy, it’s a way to be yourself, to almost start afresh.

“It sounds amazing, doesn’t it? Like, who wouldn’t jump at the chance that you could change your life, but there is an avoidance of what has gone on. The alternative was this fantasy, and you can reach for it, so why not.”

A fantasy was exactly what I was looking for. I feel there is a stigma that people who apply are exclusively going for fame, and of course the preferred reason for looking for love, but I don’t think either of these is what I wanted. Although I would love to be an influencer, I unfortunately don’t think I would be a particularly good one, and the Love Island fame potential would be lost on me. But there certainly was an element of future job planning involved in my application. Reaching the end of my A Levels, having not yet sat my exams, or received the grades to go forward onto uni, I was so unsure of my next steps. If for whatever reason it all came crashing down, I was desperate to have some sort of backup, and Love Island was my clear and stable backup choice, obviously. If by magic I did get onto Love Island, it wouldn’t matter what I got in my A Levels, or where the next steps would take me, because I’ve been on Love Island. At the very least, I can make paid appearances at the local night club for the next year.

L.J Jones, a BACP accredited counsellor, said that amidst the chaos of these changes in my life, my fight or flight kicked in, and I chose flight: 

“Flight being the operative word, and I think a lot of people do choose flight now. I live in Bangkok, I meet so many international teachers, backpackers, you name it. And what we’ve concluded here is that some people here just for the hell of it and want a great time, but you also get a lot of runners, they’re running away from family, they’re running away from breakups, they’re running away from issues. 

“So if you transfer that to a flight to Love Island, you’ve got into flight mode, I would say, from a mental health angle. The flight being, get me into Love Island so I can get away from all this.”

I also can reflect that this decision came from a place of confidence, or a lack thereof. It sounds counter intuitive, to go on a show where confidence is key, when you feel insecure in many aspects of your life, but I guess I was looking for support in new places.

Romantically, I had two relationships that both ended with a pretty rough dumping, essentially back to back. At 18, both of these felt like the love of my lives, and both of them ended with me crying on a park bench. I didn’t feel unloveable, but I felt I had something to prove.

L.J said: “The word that’s jumping out at me is external validation. If you look at confidence as say an emotional energy mug, your level was already somewhat low. You know, you were lacking confidence more generally.

“And then it’s taken a hit by being dumped twice in a short space of time, whilst worrying that you’ve blown your shot at university. I think it would be quite common to crave a fresh identity in the form of external validation. So you’re no longer this girlfriend that would have given you some confidence and identity. A show like Love Island offers what is a short term and a shortcut reinvention.

“So validation, admiration and looking for a new narrative, and there’s confidence within all of that, isn’t there?”

It sounds cliche and shallow, but surely one of the best forms of revenge is getting onto national TV, surrounded by lots of other attractive singles.

Debbie said: “There’s also avoidance there, if you look at the psychology, escaping painful emotions, it could be a way of getting, to restore your self-esteem, and also feelings of rejection come in there, as well, so it could be that, actually, if your ex saw you on Love Island, it would feel like getting back at them, in a little way, because the feelings of rejection, low self-esteem. Going on a show like that can help redefine your identity again.”

Both experts reminded me that although looking for confidence externally makes sense, it’s not always the best way forward, and could have ended in a much worse place than I started. Debbie said:  “What you’re leaning into there is social comparison, in the media, that’s the perfect lifestyle, and to get on there everything would then be perfect, and I think we know from what’s happened, some contestants on Love Island, the pressure is just too much. 

sometimes, the ideal fantasy, that it’s all perfect, and if you got on there, you’d be happy, that you’ve set that up to be the ideal lifestyle, to get on that show, but in reality, is it?”

Obviously I did not find my confidence on Love Island, and eventually took the more traditional route of working on myself and believing in my own self confidence. There’s no way of knowing that if I did make it on, would my confidence have grown or plummeted, but it’s reassuring to know that looking for confidence in the form of reality tv, isn’t the craziest thing in the world.

I’m almost 100% certain my application was not seen by anyone at ITV, and honestly that is more than ideal. I don’t remember much about the application, other than some waffling about fancying Joe Jonas, but I suppose at a very basic level, I had a good time answering those questions, as a short term relief from revision stress!

If you are also battling the fight or flight decision to apply to Love Island, knowing that is not the most sensible decision going forward, L.J and Debbie offered some advice that I would have benefited from knowing at 18.

Debbie said: “It’s about getting your validation, and nourishment, and self-confidence elsewhere, whether it be family, or friends, or setting smaller goals, because the thing with going like Love Island, it’s setting the bar quite high, and the thing is, if you don’t get on, you know, you’ve kind of put all your eggs into one basket.”

L.J said: “When we’re trying to run away, when we’re trying to find an escapism, when we’re trying to find ourselves in a possible nonsensical way, we’re doing the opposite of actually what our nervous system needs, which is to just ground ourselves. So it might even be that the young person thinks,hmm, I might apply next year. I won’t go into it in a rush right now.

Right now, what I need to do is betterment, self-improvement. I need to sit with these feelings. I might want to find a therapist.

There’s nothing wrong with applying for Love Island – you miss all the chances you don’t take, as they say. Applying to Love Island is the epitome of that, but my retrospective advice would be to my 18 year old self, and anyone else feeling a bit lost, that panic applying to Love Island won’t fix all your problems, unsurprisingly. But I suppose it didn’t hurt! 

If you would like to contact a trained and experienced therapist near you, you can visit BACP therapists directory on www.bacp.com  or specially https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

You can access more of L.J’s services and information here.

You can access more of Debbie’s services and information here.

You can apply to Love Island here. Happy applying!