Unglossed explores why reality dating shows become addictive not for their love stories, but for their emotional spectacle and psychological warfare.
Good reality TV has that perfect blend of emotional stakes, strong personalities and enough structured unpredictability that we are kept hooked through a whole hour episode. Conflict drives narrative, so it’s natural for us to enjoy a little bit of drama, whilst in the confined comfort of our own homes. The people on reality TV are often performing versions of themselves- heightened, curated, or exaggerated. Viewers, in turn, consume these performances as if they’re “real.” This blurred line between authenticity and performance heightens the sense of emotional titillation. We may thrive off the toxicity, but wouldn’t actually want our relationship to fail, so seeing others being gaslit, hurt and cheated on for some (twisted) reason becomes enjoyable.
Plus, viewers are positioned as voyeurs, watching people’s private lives unfold for entertainment. Like porn, there’s no real emotional labour or personal risk involved- you’re just consuming others’ vulnerability for pleasure or distraction. The fact that there are constantly new reality shows being churned out, from Too Hot To Handle to Virgin Island, it’s very clear there’s a constant hunger for watching people date- especially when the dating is tumultuous. Rarely does the stable, committed couple become most talked about, likely because no one really cares about love, they care about the drama. And even if you do think you’re in it for the wholesome love, you can’t help but be gripped by the drama.
Psychologist Isabelle Morley writes for Psychology Today that conflict, abuse and breakups are thrilling because we want to see how people will navigate such intense or destructive interactions. We are intrigued by the power dynamics. We’re curious about people who aren’t held to societal standards of decency and collaboration. That’s why there are so many fictional shows with narcissistic or sociopathic characters; it’s shocking and thrilling to watch people behave unacceptably and see how others around them manage.
And this applies to reality dating shows too, they basically make us say, “wow I’m so glad that isn’t us.” We know that fictional TV shows are trying to be over the top, thrilling and slightly unbelievable, but when we know it’s real people it makes the whole thing even more gripping. However, with reality TV you often get that pang of guilt when it hits you that these are real people. It’s usually a moment of realisation after the episode ends, and you go on Instagram to see if the culprit or victim has posted, and you come across a feed of photographs with their friends, family, dogs, out for food or on a night out. And you remember, wow that’s a real person I’ve just enjoyed watching go through distress. So reality TV is like emotional porn, because it delivers high- intensity feelings in a consumable format, where we can bypass the stakes of real world emotional involvement. Meaning it satisfies our craving for drama, intimacy and human connection, but in a way that’s a little shallow and detached.
